Scrolling TikTok During College Decision Season: What Should Parents Do?
As college decisions roll out, acceptance videos become hard to avoid. Should students post? Yes. Should students be mindful when they do? Also yes. In an Atlantic article Stop Sharing Viral College-Acceptance Videos. Don’t make them, don’t “like” them, don’t pass them on, published on March 29, 2023, Zach Gotlieb (who now attends Stanford) wrote about why you shouldn’t post college acceptance videos because it has the potential to hurt those who were deferred or denied.
Today’s high school students have been exposed to challenges, including:
increased awareness of school violence,
constant comparison cycle on social media, and
academic disruption due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
Is it reasonable for students to see these college acceptance videos when they are waiting or already deferred, waitlisted, or denied?
Zach states in the article, “It’s time for people to stop sharing these videos. Stop watching them. Stop liking them. If you are a teen or a teen’s parent and you really can’t resist recording this moment for posterity, keep it private—this is something for your friends and family, not for the wider world.”
Yes, a family and/or friends group text is a wonderful way to share this news. But is it not good to post something you’re proud of in the case that it may make someone upset? Should they take it into consideration that another person from their high school might have not been accepted?
We make similar posts to share life experiences, like engagements, graduations, new jobs, etc. They can be celebrated via social media, although not everyone may share their same feelings. The answer here is rarely to keep it private, but it can be done without creating comparison.
Empathy matters. Encouraging students to pause and consider how others may feel is healthy. Acceptance videos may feel intense for some students, particularly during decision season.
Zach quotes a Stanford-affiliated organization co-founder, ““Many students,” she said, “worry about not getting into their top-choice school, not getting in anywhere, or letting their parents down in some way.” Instead of putting teens at ease, these exaggerated reactions in acceptance videos “elevate the importance of where someone gets in.””
In my work with families, we always discuss that the college admissions process does have problems. Rejection is not a measure of self-worth, and outcomes are influenced by many uncontrollable variables within a highly competitive system. There are many paths to wonderful college experiences.
Dr. Lisa Damour spoke in her podcast, Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens and Teens, that the parents can support their children by explaining that it’s a rough time in college admissions. Students can have an all or nothing mindset, so it’s important to remind them there are multiple colleges where they can thrive. Let your student sit with their thoughts for a while. Remind them you are available if they need to talk. She also recommends reaching out to experienced parents whose children did not get into every top-choice school, yet are thriving in their second- or third- choice schools.
Decision season brings excitement, disappointment, anticipation, and comparison—sometimes all in the same week. Whether your student is celebrating an acceptance or struggling with a waitlist or denial, you do not have to navigate these conversations alone. I work with families to set realistic expectations, reduce unnecessary stress, and chart clear next steps. If you are just beginning the college search, we can also build a structured plan so your student approaches this process with confidence and calm.